Sound thinking
Parents: Authoritative or winsome?
by Ken Myers
“The overarching shift in Christian parenting advice from the colonial era through much of the nineteenth century was from a model that emphasized content-heavy household religious practices to one that emphasized the development of a nurturing and relational home environment. The colonial pastors who gave out advice through printed sermons and lectures had a very clear picture of what it meant to be a ‘good’ Christian parent. Colonial parents were to be evangelists, alerting their children to their sinful state and to the perils of eternal damnation while urging them to come to Christ for salvation. They were to be priests, praying for their children, guiding them in morning and evening worship (Bible reading, singing, and prayer), supervising their Sabbath practices in church and at home, and leading them into their own practices of devotion. These parents were also to serve as prophets, teaching biblical and doctrinal truths both formally through reading and the catechism and informally in the midst of children’s activities. Finally, parents were to assume authoritative positions as kings, leading children toward reverence, obedience, and recompense while also correcting children’s disobedience through admonition, restraint, and the rod. From the early seventeenth century to the middle years of the eighteenth century, parents, as stewards representing God’s purposes, sought to utilize these postures and practices to foster conversion — a Spirit-empowered awakening — in their children’s lives.
“By the mid-nineteenth century, much of the advice literature of the day communicated a new vision of good Christian parenting. Composed by pastors but also by women and other laypeople, new resources emphasized the determinative power of the impressions generated within the home by loving parents. Authors told parents that children were most deeply formed in the earliest years by the physical environment of the home, the intentional nurture and love of parents, and the deep relationships forged among family members. The home itself became a sacred space in which shared family activities (both religious and nonreligious) would create wonderful memories that children would associate with the family’s faith. Parents were directed to spend ample time with children and to encourage sibling friendships so that the faith would be embedded into children's lives in an enduring way. Even traditional practices such as worship, teaching, and discipline were rooted in this relational space, derived from and contributing to the home's relational bonds. The relationship between children and their mothers, in particular, was held up as formative in nature. Mothers’ sacrificial love and purity would nurture children in their younger years and then protect them (especially sons) when they left home for more dangerous settings. For these authors, the relational environment of ‘home sweet home’ was the best means of raising children up in the faith. Some coupled these newer ideas with traditional desires for conversion, while others saw God at work more within the natural and nurturing interactions of the Christian home.
“Even when common practices were engaged across these time periods, there were decided changes in parenting styles. When colonial Christian authors described parents as evangelists, priests, prophets, and kings, they saw them as authorities, teachers, and leaders, people who would proclaim, warn, teach, correct, and exemplify the faith for their children. When Victorian-era authors described parents as architects, mothers, and memory-makers, they saw them as nurturers, companions, and mentors, loving guides who would establish a warm and supportive environment within which impressionable children would develop in faith and obedience through early emotional connections. Of course, both styles existed across this entire time period. Colonial parents loved their children and delighted in them even as they engaged in the daily practices of faith. Likewise, nineteenth-century Christian parents still engaged in Christian practices, including the family altar. Yet the relative importance attributed to more formal and hierarchical ‘content-centered practices’ and more informal and democratic ‘impression-centered relationships’ was clearly shifting across these years.”
— from David Setran, Christian Parenting: Wisdom and Perspectives from American History (Eerdmans, 2022)
